It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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