Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want her autograph on my taint
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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