She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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