I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
