You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
