Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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