i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
