about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need water and some morals
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
