Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
