We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
