She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
