I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
