I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
