Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
being pregnant is like rehab
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
