just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
