Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
