Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
this hospital has no fireball
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
