Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
