I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
