Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
