Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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