I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
