I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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