I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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