I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
