you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
