This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sober January is a disaster.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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