There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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