Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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