I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
