I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
