I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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