so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
