i permit you to call me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
