when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
