Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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