Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
