I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
