i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
