Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
