At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
