The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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