Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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