If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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