now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
