Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
