And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
