I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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