my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
