hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
