Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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