It's like God shit irony all over that family
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
