either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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