I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've blown a few things in my day
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you win again, gameday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
