I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
