Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm always down for nudity.
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