hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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