My first STD was from a foam party
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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