she woke up with a sticky ear
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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