I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
