Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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