At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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