i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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