i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
