I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
