chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
